I just saw my last post about my experiences in the MAT program and I sounded so hopeful. I also sounded that I was doing fine. I haven't been doing too fine lately. I got myself into a lesson planning crisis mode. I know how to write a lesson plan. Do I know how to write that anyone who reads it knows what my students learning, how they are to learn the objective and how I can assess how they are doing in their learning?
On Tuesday night, my Creative Arts instructor told me that I am failing the class. I haven't shown her enough of my work to meet her expectations. She gave me an opportunity to pull it together. She even stopped her projects to give me feedback to my first lesson plan that I turned in late. I know how to write lesson plans. Somehow I stressed myself out and it took me so long to process on how to proceed. I can't turn in an in-complete assignment when that is a no-no for graduate work. I think my full time status as a student this term was fraught with stress and fear of failure. Anyways, my instructor told me that I need to withdraw from the course. It's week 6 and I messed up big time. Now I'm not sure how I'm doing on my Monday night class. I emailed that instructor last night.
I met with my advisor yesterday morning. We talked about my progress. She mentioned two common areas that both of my instructors saw in me the last few weeks. First, I was so defensive. I know they want to help. How can they help if I don't turn in complete assignments on time? This defensive mechanism is a way for me to cope with stress and my fear. I thought I worked that out the last four years. I am quite successful at my current job working with students after school. Term 3 of the full time MAT program is the time to prepare for student teaching in the Fall. In the past, I fell apart in Term 3 out of 4 at the Western's undergrad ed program. The other notice is that I have verbal communication process issues. That same thing was shared with me in my undergrad ed program. The last four years I have been working on my verbal skills. At my current job, sometimes it can get very stressful. I learned to slow down and pause to think before I speak. When I am so stressed out and feeling defensive, my verbal communication skills will go awry.
My advisor asked me, "Why did I go into grad school for teaching?" We previously talked about it a little bit during my application interview. Yesterday I filled her in. I wanted to go into teaching because I'm passionate in educating young minds and I felt ready to do it at a graduate level. I didn't want to do it in the undergraduate level. I researched different teaching programs and I felt that Marylhurst is the right one for me. I like the scaffolding method and how supportive the advisors are. She gave me two choices. Stop what I'm doing and explore where I want to go next. Or continue with the program at a part-time basis.
Today I was having a conversation with my cooperating teacher. She told me that I have a lot of soul searching to better make my next step. I have been soul searching for the last 4 years. I didn't enter the MAT program as a full time student lightly. I thought I was ready. My CT kept repeating that teaching today is different when she first started. There is a lot of responsibilities. A good teacher needs to know how they learn reading, writing and math as well as know how to teach those subjects. A good teacher needs to understand how students' learn and assess them to be able to instruct them effectively. I know all this. I have a lot to think about. Anyways, my CT is letting me teach the art lesson I created next week and she will videotape me. This is one of the assessment tools I can use to help me decide my next step.
What is my next step? Stay tune...
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Sunday, May 6, 2012
My First Time--Oregon Writing Festival
Yesterday, I experienced my first time as a day group leader of Group 21 at the Oregon Writing Festival. PSU has been hosting the festival for two decades now. I went to Smith ballroom to meet up with my group. I had 10 students from all over Oregon. There were six girls and four boys with half of them 4th graders and the other half is 5th graders. There were so many kids and adults everywhere. I welcomed each student in my group. The intermediate group (grade 4 and 5) sits closer to the stage. The middle schoolers at the center of the ballroom. And the high schoolers at the back and the sides of the ballroom. First there was an introduction for everyone.
Here is a quick info: The Oregon Writing Festival serves the best writers from grades 4 to 12 from all over Oregon. I think there were about a thousand students. Each group has about 10 students (from different schools) led by a day group leader who chaperones through the day and facilitates the group sharing (where students share with each other their writing piece). There is a presentation from a guest author (different authors for each grade band), two writing workshops, group sharing and lunch time scheduled for the day. The grade bands are 4th and 5th, 6th to 8th, and 9th to 12th. By the way, the Day Group Leaders are usually actual classroom teachers but there are some who are pre-service teachers like me (in a teaching program). The workshop presenters are actually real teachers teaching some aspect of writing.
After the introduction speeches, the older students with their day group leaders left the ballroom to go to their next activities. The fourth and fifth grade stayed put to hear from their guest author, Bart King. This author is actually from Portland, OR. He was a middle school teacher. He wrote The Big Book of Boy Stuff and The Big Book of Girl Stuff. He now writes full time. Actually, I never heard of him before yesterday. He was very funny. The kids had a laugh and some of them asked some good questions. For a 45 minute presentation, the kids were very engaged.
Next, my group and Group 22 set out for our first workshop together. A teacher from the Beaverton S.D. taught poetry to our 20 students. I even wrote a haiku as the students did theirs. The workshop is a hour long. Anyways, the kids' haikus are better than mine. I was never good with structured type kind of poems. I like free verse because I can just say what I want and create a format I like. I remember one very funny haiku about hamburgers by a fifth grade boy.
At the end of the workshop, my group and I found a place to eat our lunch. It was too chilly out to eat out at the park blocks. Most of my students grouped up to eat and chat together. Three boys were sitting along. Though one boy's friend from another group came over to eat lunch with him. They go to the same school. I had the last two boys sitting together so they can chat. I ate my lunch while I observed the kids talking. Sometimes I chat with a few of them. Though, I didn't interact as much since they are there for making new friends from different schools and enjoy the writing experiences.
We finished lunch early so we check out our room for the group sharing. There was no one inside the small conference room. We got to start our time together 10 minutes earlier. We were scheduled only 90 minutes which isn't enough. First, I did an ice breaker so the kids know a little about each other and each other's names. Next, we review the norms of group sharing and I divided the groups up. First round, there were three small groups of the same gender. I did two more rounds of group sharing. It's more personal and they will get better feedback than getting all of them to try sharing to nine other students. At least, during this session, they can focus on four or five other people's work. The writer read his or her piece and the listeners either comment or ask questions about the piece.
I monitored each small group to see how they were doing. Some groups finished earlier than others so I was there to asked some questions that the students can discuss among themselves. Sometimes I even join in their discussion. The writing pieces are different genres and they are from one to five page in lengths. At the end of the session, two students gave me a copy of their work. I finished the group sharing with reflection time. The kids first write down their thoughts with some guiding questions I posted up on the dry erase board. They sat around the table as a whole group. I introduced the popcorn method for the kids to share their thoughts about the experience. I don't think I introduced the popcorn concept right. A few days, I have to signal certain kids to share. Only a few kids got it right away and popping off their thoughts after someone was done. (Reflecting on the whole group sharing time, I know I can do better. I never done this before so I didn't really know what to expect. I only met the 10 students earlier in the morning. They are actually good kids and they were able to go with the flow.)
The next activity was going to the second writing workshop where we met up with Group 22 again. The workshop teacher actually teaches at a Portland school with fourth graders. She even recognized a former student and called on her a few times. This workshop time, the kids worked on how to hook a reader. The kids wrote an interesting beginning to a story of someone or something. I even wrote a beginning too. Though, I was not good as the kids. My writing pieces do get better during the editing and revision process. At the end, they shared to the whole group. I am amazed how gifted these kids are. Then again, they had good teachers and their own passion to continue with writing.
Oh, the day had to end. It was dismissal time. As we left Crammer Hall, there were so many group of kids seeking out their contact person or parents. Nine of my students found theirs quickly and joined their contact person. I had one girl left with me and she told me about her agree upon meeting place with her mom. I didn't know where it was. Good thing she had a cell on her so she called her mom. We ended up meeting in the first floor of Smith Hall, near the coffee place.
I had so much fun. I can't wait to do this again next year. I let the day group coordinator that I want to do it again next year. By the way, I know an elementary school teacher from my work place who is also there. I didn't see her since there were so many people around. The coordinator told me that she was leading a middle school group. This teacher I know has been part of the festival for years.
Here is a quick info: The Oregon Writing Festival serves the best writers from grades 4 to 12 from all over Oregon. I think there were about a thousand students. Each group has about 10 students (from different schools) led by a day group leader who chaperones through the day and facilitates the group sharing (where students share with each other their writing piece). There is a presentation from a guest author (different authors for each grade band), two writing workshops, group sharing and lunch time scheduled for the day. The grade bands are 4th and 5th, 6th to 8th, and 9th to 12th. By the way, the Day Group Leaders are usually actual classroom teachers but there are some who are pre-service teachers like me (in a teaching program). The workshop presenters are actually real teachers teaching some aspect of writing.
After the introduction speeches, the older students with their day group leaders left the ballroom to go to their next activities. The fourth and fifth grade stayed put to hear from their guest author, Bart King. This author is actually from Portland, OR. He was a middle school teacher. He wrote The Big Book of Boy Stuff and The Big Book of Girl Stuff. He now writes full time. Actually, I never heard of him before yesterday. He was very funny. The kids had a laugh and some of them asked some good questions. For a 45 minute presentation, the kids were very engaged.
Next, my group and Group 22 set out for our first workshop together. A teacher from the Beaverton S.D. taught poetry to our 20 students. I even wrote a haiku as the students did theirs. The workshop is a hour long. Anyways, the kids' haikus are better than mine. I was never good with structured type kind of poems. I like free verse because I can just say what I want and create a format I like. I remember one very funny haiku about hamburgers by a fifth grade boy.
At the end of the workshop, my group and I found a place to eat our lunch. It was too chilly out to eat out at the park blocks. Most of my students grouped up to eat and chat together. Three boys were sitting along. Though one boy's friend from another group came over to eat lunch with him. They go to the same school. I had the last two boys sitting together so they can chat. I ate my lunch while I observed the kids talking. Sometimes I chat with a few of them. Though, I didn't interact as much since they are there for making new friends from different schools and enjoy the writing experiences.
We finished lunch early so we check out our room for the group sharing. There was no one inside the small conference room. We got to start our time together 10 minutes earlier. We were scheduled only 90 minutes which isn't enough. First, I did an ice breaker so the kids know a little about each other and each other's names. Next, we review the norms of group sharing and I divided the groups up. First round, there were three small groups of the same gender. I did two more rounds of group sharing. It's more personal and they will get better feedback than getting all of them to try sharing to nine other students. At least, during this session, they can focus on four or five other people's work. The writer read his or her piece and the listeners either comment or ask questions about the piece.
I monitored each small group to see how they were doing. Some groups finished earlier than others so I was there to asked some questions that the students can discuss among themselves. Sometimes I even join in their discussion. The writing pieces are different genres and they are from one to five page in lengths. At the end of the session, two students gave me a copy of their work. I finished the group sharing with reflection time. The kids first write down their thoughts with some guiding questions I posted up on the dry erase board. They sat around the table as a whole group. I introduced the popcorn method for the kids to share their thoughts about the experience. I don't think I introduced the popcorn concept right. A few days, I have to signal certain kids to share. Only a few kids got it right away and popping off their thoughts after someone was done. (Reflecting on the whole group sharing time, I know I can do better. I never done this before so I didn't really know what to expect. I only met the 10 students earlier in the morning. They are actually good kids and they were able to go with the flow.)
The next activity was going to the second writing workshop where we met up with Group 22 again. The workshop teacher actually teaches at a Portland school with fourth graders. She even recognized a former student and called on her a few times. This workshop time, the kids worked on how to hook a reader. The kids wrote an interesting beginning to a story of someone or something. I even wrote a beginning too. Though, I was not good as the kids. My writing pieces do get better during the editing and revision process. At the end, they shared to the whole group. I am amazed how gifted these kids are. Then again, they had good teachers and their own passion to continue with writing.
Oh, the day had to end. It was dismissal time. As we left Crammer Hall, there were so many group of kids seeking out their contact person or parents. Nine of my students found theirs quickly and joined their contact person. I had one girl left with me and she told me about her agree upon meeting place with her mom. I didn't know where it was. Good thing she had a cell on her so she called her mom. We ended up meeting in the first floor of Smith Hall, near the coffee place.
I had so much fun. I can't wait to do this again next year. I let the day group coordinator that I want to do it again next year. By the way, I know an elementary school teacher from my work place who is also there. I didn't see her since there were so many people around. The coordinator told me that she was leading a middle school group. This teacher I know has been part of the festival for years.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
May Day and Update so far
Can't sleep
Can't sleep
I came home last night
around 10 pm
from my Monday evening class
Fame was on
so I watched it
It's a fun show to watch
I love to sing
Love watching other performers
Headed to bed
Tossed and turned
Can't sleep
Errggggg!
Past midnight,
Got up
Read for my EDU 510 class
for a couple hours
Turned off the lights
Went back to bed
Laid there
Thinking a lot
Why can't I sleep?
Got up again
Wrote in my journal
Noticed I haven't written in it
For weeks
Wrote a few entries
Oh, sleep,
I wish I was in la la land.
Now I'm here,
Writing this blog.
Oh, I want to sleep.
By Stacey M.
Anyways, the last few weeks I was stressed. It makes my insomnia worst. I couldn't concentrate on my homework and studies. Last Thursday, the kids at my after school program performed at the Annual ExAcademy Talent Show. For a month, I helped some of my first graders. I collaborated with a girl on her poem. I dictate her words down as she spoke to me. We edit and revise together. Only a couple places I had to vetoed and added repeated lines for a better flow. At the end result, the piece was polished and I was so amazed about her poetry skills as a six year old girl. Truly, the majority of her poem was her actual words. Here is the first line of Ellie's poem: I believe in time and past! Anyways, this experience was the first time I collaborated with a child on a creative piece and it made me want to be a first grade teacher in real life.
A group of boys wanted to act out a skit. Two of the boys had great ideas so I jotted down their thoughts and I wrote up the skit called The Mystery of the Misty Gold Mine (title came from one of the six year old boys). Another group of my first graders want to be in a skit too and a co-worker gave me Little Bunny Foo Foo which many first graders there knew the story already. I spent some time helping the kids practice their act. I have amazing co-workers and boss who also aided in their practice. Debra worked with the girl by putting music to her poem. The girl wanted to sing it while a female friend of hers danced. The kids' parents were amazing too since they help their child prepared through memorizing their lines, working on acting skills and providing costumes. The rest of the first grade group sang in two group songs with the kinders. Next, the K-1 sang with the 2nd and 3rd graders on the song, "This Land is Your Land." It was awesome. So last Thursday evening, my first graders did a swell job. They were amazing. The audience of fellow students, families and friends listened attentively and clapped at the end of each performance. I tried to reach all my students and praised them. Though, a few of them slipped by. The next day, I did finish my praising of the kids I missed.
After that was done, my mind was starting to unblock. Over the weekend, I worked on my homework. I am almost caught up with my Creative Arts class. Though, I'm a few living journal assignments behind in my Monday class. I am plugging away. By the way, the living journal is basically a blank book filled with notes, free writes, creative writing pieces, drawings, visual art stuff, etc on my learning this term. This project is for both my Monday and Tuesday evening classes. It's a fun and unique way to log one's learning, reflections, and notes on what's important to me as a classroom teacher. The instructor for my Integrated Social Studies and Language Arts with Technology class is an in-service 6th grade teacher. She has a modified version of the living journal that her students do throughout this school year.
Why can't I sleep? I think my stress is still around. I tend to be hard on myself. Last night, a classmate of mine said that I was hard on myself. I don't know why. I guess I want to really be successful in my dreams. I failed an undergraduate education program 5 years ago. Since then, I learned so much at my current job. I am better at making my stance and able to manage a group of children. To my final thoughts, I came upon an old journal where an inspirational quote from a dear friend of mine, Sarah from my early college days emailed me a long time ago. She said, "Here is a friendly reminder to tell you that whenever you can't help doubting yourself in whichever way it may be, you are just fine exactly the way that you are and if you weren't you probably won't have the friends that you do or have had in the past, hun. Keep trying not to be too, too hard on yourself."
Can't sleep
I came home last night
around 10 pm
from my Monday evening class
Fame was on
so I watched it
It's a fun show to watch
I love to sing
Love watching other performers
Headed to bed
Tossed and turned
Can't sleep
Errggggg!
Past midnight,
Got up
Read for my EDU 510 class
for a couple hours
Turned off the lights
Went back to bed
Laid there
Thinking a lot
Why can't I sleep?
Got up again
Wrote in my journal
Noticed I haven't written in it
For weeks
Wrote a few entries
Oh, sleep,
I wish I was in la la land.
Now I'm here,
Writing this blog.
Oh, I want to sleep.
By Stacey M.
Anyways, the last few weeks I was stressed. It makes my insomnia worst. I couldn't concentrate on my homework and studies. Last Thursday, the kids at my after school program performed at the Annual ExAcademy Talent Show. For a month, I helped some of my first graders. I collaborated with a girl on her poem. I dictate her words down as she spoke to me. We edit and revise together. Only a couple places I had to vetoed and added repeated lines for a better flow. At the end result, the piece was polished and I was so amazed about her poetry skills as a six year old girl. Truly, the majority of her poem was her actual words. Here is the first line of Ellie's poem: I believe in time and past! Anyways, this experience was the first time I collaborated with a child on a creative piece and it made me want to be a first grade teacher in real life.
A group of boys wanted to act out a skit. Two of the boys had great ideas so I jotted down their thoughts and I wrote up the skit called The Mystery of the Misty Gold Mine (title came from one of the six year old boys). Another group of my first graders want to be in a skit too and a co-worker gave me Little Bunny Foo Foo which many first graders there knew the story already. I spent some time helping the kids practice their act. I have amazing co-workers and boss who also aided in their practice. Debra worked with the girl by putting music to her poem. The girl wanted to sing it while a female friend of hers danced. The kids' parents were amazing too since they help their child prepared through memorizing their lines, working on acting skills and providing costumes. The rest of the first grade group sang in two group songs with the kinders. Next, the K-1 sang with the 2nd and 3rd graders on the song, "This Land is Your Land." It was awesome. So last Thursday evening, my first graders did a swell job. They were amazing. The audience of fellow students, families and friends listened attentively and clapped at the end of each performance. I tried to reach all my students and praised them. Though, a few of them slipped by. The next day, I did finish my praising of the kids I missed.
After that was done, my mind was starting to unblock. Over the weekend, I worked on my homework. I am almost caught up with my Creative Arts class. Though, I'm a few living journal assignments behind in my Monday class. I am plugging away. By the way, the living journal is basically a blank book filled with notes, free writes, creative writing pieces, drawings, visual art stuff, etc on my learning this term. This project is for both my Monday and Tuesday evening classes. It's a fun and unique way to log one's learning, reflections, and notes on what's important to me as a classroom teacher. The instructor for my Integrated Social Studies and Language Arts with Technology class is an in-service 6th grade teacher. She has a modified version of the living journal that her students do throughout this school year.
Why can't I sleep? I think my stress is still around. I tend to be hard on myself. Last night, a classmate of mine said that I was hard on myself. I don't know why. I guess I want to really be successful in my dreams. I failed an undergraduate education program 5 years ago. Since then, I learned so much at my current job. I am better at making my stance and able to manage a group of children. To my final thoughts, I came upon an old journal where an inspirational quote from a dear friend of mine, Sarah from my early college days emailed me a long time ago. She said, "Here is a friendly reminder to tell you that whenever you can't help doubting yourself in whichever way it may be, you are just fine exactly the way that you are and if you weren't you probably won't have the friends that you do or have had in the past, hun. Keep trying not to be too, too hard on yourself."
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